


drifting

by midnightsnacks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hope, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 22:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14507052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightsnacks/pseuds/midnightsnacks
Summary: But as the spacecraft doors opened, even from a distance, they recognized that mess of hair. Those distinct features they had grown familiar to. It was him. He was still alive.





	drifting

“Some alien spacecraft.” Natasha whispered, stepping out of the compound just behind Steve who had his new shield in his hand. His fingers clenched and unclenched around the metal handle as the wind whistled around them. Leaves tumbled past their feet and Steve couldn’t tell if he was imagining the dust that seemed to float along with them.

“How do we know if they’re friendly?” Steve asked but what he really wanted to ask was whether it even mattered anymore. He waited as the spacecraft landed out in front of the compound. Rhodey had appeared at some point, unarmed. Steve turned towards him with questioning eyes, just because things had been fairly quiet didn’t mean Steve condoned stupid risks.

“Call it a sneaking suspicion.” Rhodey began to approach the spacecraft before Steve had a chance to say anything. Steve waited with Natasha a good distance away, maybe they were both too crushed to have that kind of hope.

But as the spacecraft doors opened, even from the distance, they recognized that mess of brown hair. Those distinct features they had grown familiar to. It was him.

He was still alive.

Steve found himself leaving Natasha behind, he wasn’t running but he wasn’t walking either. The closer he got the more fearful he became, there was something so distinctly off about Tony that it made his chest ache. There was a hollowness to his eyes, a hollowness to his body. He was obviously in pain, every version of it.

Steve thought he saw how he felt internally reflected back to him in Tony’s eyes. 

Tony wasn’t alone, there was a strange woman beside him. She looked part alien part robot and Steve felt that maybe he should be wary but he couldn’t bring himself to be. What could she possibly do that could hurt them now? And she had brought Tony back to them. Steve couldn’t find it in himself to be anything but extremely grateful.

Steve watched as Rhodey pulled Tony into a hug and he thought maybe Tony sagged into it but he couldn’t tell if it was out of comfort or exhaustion. Natasha caught up to him as he waited and when Steve turned to look at her he saw something akin to relief lighting her eyes. Steve turned his head further and saw Bruce just a few feet behind them, staring at Tony like he was the only light left in the universe. Steve supposed that wasn’t too far off from the truth. 

Rhodey eventually pulled away from Tony and Tony looked around at them all for a few moments, he looked dizzy like he might fall forward and Steve stepped forward hesitantly, catching him when he did. 

Steve looked towards the stranger who had arrived with Tony for answers. She stared at him blankly, a look of absolute murder marring her nonsensical features and yet Steve didn’t feel any fear.

“I would suggest keeping him alive.” Her voice sounded strange and it reminded him of Vision. Vision who Steve couldn’t think about for too long. “I’m afraid he might be our only hope.”

==

The nameless woman had returned to her spacecraft but she hadn’t left yet and Steve didn’t know what to make of that. He didn’t have much time to dwell on the matter anyhow, he was more worried about Tony.

He hadn’t collapsed for nothing. There was a large stab wound in his abdomen that was being held together by some sort of technology Steve couldn’t dream of understanding. From what they had gathered it was Tony’s best chance at the moment so they had let it be.

“We’ll wait until he wakes up and go from there.” Bruce had said, patting Steve’s shoulder as he left the room Tony was resting in. Steve couldn’t bring himself to leave, he had decided that the least he could do was not leave again.

Half of the world was gone but Steve was glad that Tony was still here, as selfish as that was. It was like they had each flipped a coin and those who’s coins had fallen on heads were chosen to stay alive. Steve honestly didn’t know which was a worse fate, fading to dust or being left among the ashes.

Tony’s eyes snapped open and Steve straightened beside him immediately, he didn’t want to spook Tony but now that he thought about it he was probably the last person that Tony wanted to see after waking up.

Tony’s eyes were wide and unclear like he was trying to figure out where he was and who he was and the second it all came crashing down on him Steve could see it flicker in his eyes. He thought Tony might scream but instead he was silent. 

“Hey.” Tony said, quietly, pushing himself into sitting position and there was no indication that it hurt him even though Steve knew it must have. Tony turned his head towards Steve and stared and Steve found himself wanting to run from those empty brown eyes.

“They’re gone.” Tony held his hands up like evidence and Steve didn’t need to see the dust making his hands dark and the ashes beneath his chipped fingernails to know what he was talking about. “But they’re still here.”

Steve didn’t say anything, he thought maybe that was the best thing he could do for Tony. Just listen for a moment, let him come to terms with everything on his own. Steve didn’t know anyway to make it easier because the truth was that it just wasn’t easy.

“And Peter, the spider kid, I told him to stay home. I did everything I could and he’s just a kid, you know? I should’ve kept him out of this world, I shouldn’t have stuck my nose where it didn’t belong and now he’s just gone. And the thing is he knew Steve, he knew it was happening. It wasn’t peace, and he was terrified. And it should have been me. That’s the problem. It should be me, gone, perished.” Tony swung his legs off the bed he was on and Steve pushed his chair back to give him room but Tony grabbed Steve’s hands and held them. His fingernails dug in and Steve didn’t care for the pain.

“Thanos was gonna kill me. He would have killed me but this stupid wizard I just met didn’t let him. And he told me on no uncertain terms that he would let me die without even blinking. And I don’t understand why.” Tony closed his eyes like he was pained but there seemed to be more that he wanted to say. 

“Did you want him to kill you?” Steve asked in the same hushed tones Tony was speaking to him with. “You’re here, aren’t you? That’s a good thing, in my book Tony, it’s a good thing.”

Tony opened his eyes again and there was something close to anger there but no, it wasn’t anger. There was more nothing in his eyes than anything else. “No, no because it doesn’t make sense and that’s the problem. It should make sense. But it doesn’t and how can you say that when half of the world is gone just like that? Like they were never here, like they are dirt.”

“Maybe the wizard knew something you didn’t.” Steve suggested and Tony seemed to have already come to that conclusion but he nodded vigorously. Steve squeezed his hands reassuringly but the reminder only served to make Tony release his hands and curl his arms around his middle.

“That’s what I keep telling myself. Maybe there was a reason, maybe that’s why I’m here. There’s gotta be a reason, because if there isn’t then I don’t think I can keep going. So, there was a reason, right?”

“Right.” Steve said quickly, and Tony reached for Steve again, finding his hands and tugging him forward. Steve almost fell out of his chair.

“I had a vision, a dream, from Wanda. She was messing with my brain, I know, but I saw a world with everyone dead but I was alive and it was terrible and now I’m living that dream. I’m alive but they are all dead. It was my fear, it’s always been my fear and now it’s all come true and I knew it all along. I had this feeling all along.” Tony whispered and Steve didn’t know what to say. He found himself almost breathless, like the air was being squeezed out of his lungs.

“I built Ultron, you know that. Hell, everyone knows that. But it was never any use. It was all coming to this and I knew it and I failed. I failed you, Steve. I failed everyone.” Tony wrenched his hands away from Steve to run them through his sweaty hair.

“This isn’t your dream, alright? That wasn’t real. Not everyone’s dead, half of us are still here and you aren’t alone.” Steve delicately put his hand on Tony’s knee, trying to ground him, to remind him that they were here. Together.

“You are here. You’re okay.” Tony said, but there was a question behind his words so Steve nodded, trying to help in any way that he could. He was here and they were going to figure this out.

“Do you think-” Tony paused, looking at Steve with something new in his eyes, something unbroken. “Do you think there’s still hope? That maybe _ there is _ a reason. Don’t, just, don’t lie to me. Not anymore.”

“Never again.” Steve confirmed and he met Tony’s gaze, truly considering the question. He supposed that at first, when he had had let himself fall by Vision’s feet, he had truly thought all hope was lost. They had fought with everything they had but it hadn’t been enough. But now, after taking a moment away from that initial shock and devastation, he wasn’t sure he felt the same way.

“Tony, I think there will always be hope.” Steve shrugged, like it was an easy answer, and maybe it was. “That’s something Thanos could never take away from us.”

“Then maybe-maybe we stand a chance.” Tony smiled and it was such a bizarre thing at such a time and Steve didn’t have it in himself to return it but he admired the beauty of such a happy thing. And maybe the smile was crooked and barely there, half-hearted at best and already crumbling away. But that smile was hope itself.

“We could even live up to our name.” Steve returned, and Tony paused for a second, needing a moment to let that sink in. Steve waited.

“Yeah.” And Tony seemed tired again, all of his newfound vigor retreating. Tony leaned back down, turning his head towards Steve as he did so. “Thanks for being honest with me. I think I really needed that.” 

Tony looked down to where Steve’s hand had moved to his shoulder. Tony covered it with his own, breathing hard. Steve suddenly remembered that he was supposed to call for Bruce and he made to get up but Tony held him in place with the grip he had on his hand.

“This time we will do better. We will be better. We have to be.” Tony looked up at Steve and it was enough to make Steve sink back into his chair at Tony’s side. “And this time we will win. They can’t be gone for nothing, we can’t let that happen.”

“Of course.” Steve agreed, but he couldn’t bring himself to promise anything. There was too much he couldn’t control, too many doubts he had yet to deal with it.

“And I know, I’m probably the last person you wanted to be stuck with.” Steve met Tony’s gaze and found that there was a sad resolve there. “But I’m really glad you’re still here. I’m sorry it took almost the end of the world for me to realize it.”

“That’s okay, Tony. And for the record, I’m really glad you’re still here too.” Steve slowly pulled his hand away. “But I thought you finally called and it turned out to be Bruce, which was kind of disappointing.”

“Poor Bruce.” Tony murmured, closing his eyes and letting Steve’s hand slip away. Steve was almost to the door when Tony spoke up.

“Don’t let me forget that. Don’t let me slip away, I’m afraid if I sleep, I’ll wake up and the terror of what happened will eat me alive. Remind me that there is hope.” Tony begged and Steve turned back towards him, hand on the doorway. “Remind me that we are in this together.”

“We are.”

**Author's Note:**

> This movie gave me all the feelings, and this little fic just came out somehow. I'd love to know what you guys thought of the movie.


End file.
